When the friend-ship sinks

 We have all read reams and reams of philosophy and poetry written to express the pain of broken love. We also have lots of songs telling us friendship is great. Like Ye Dosti hum nhi todenge or Yaaron, dosti badi hi haseen hai.

But there is hardly any poetry or song dedicated to the nuances of a broken friendship. That shit hurts. Don’t you feel friendships are way deeper than our romantic liaisons? That we are more invested in our friends than we are with our partners? Probably because we have known our friends way longer than many other people in our life. They are the ones who have seen us growing up. In many a sense. It may be from childhood to adulthood. Or coming out of a bad relationship and turning wiser. Getting married or even turning parents, and becoming responsible. 

We have all had out hearts broken by friends, haven’t we?  Maybe in school. Or college. Or workspace. I have had many a fights with my friends. But the first time I had an actual breakup with a friend, that was painful. It was like someone had slipped the rug from under me. One day, everything was fine. The next thing I knew is that I had been replaced. Without warning. Without a question, or an answer. I kept going over the incidents of the last few days to think of what I may have done wrong. I made up possible scenarios of what it could be. I tried to tell myself I was over thinking. It took me sometime to convince myself that it indeed was over. There was no closure. And that took me a longer time to come out of it. I haven’t known heart break of the romantic kind. But I feel a friendship breakup is pretty close. 

For a romantic discord, there is “breakup”. But for friendship – nothing. You know nobody addresses it because there is not even a term dedicated to it like, freakup or something. By the way, that word I just made up is pure genius. Don’t you think? Anyway. You are not allowed to grieve for a freakup like you do for your beloved. You just pretend to move on. Like a very important person in your life did not just move away. Like the person was your go-to for 5 or 10 or more years did not just leave you in a lurch.
“Oh, she would have laughed at this”, or “oh, he would be so mad at me for this”. Situations remind you of your friends and all the good times you shared. But you would be a schmuck to go all sentimental about someone you were not even in a “relationship” with. Why, isn’t friendship one of the most important relationship you form outside of your family? Sometimes, even THE most important.

Friends grow apart for various reasons. For reasons that are difficult to categorize as right or wrong. But they do grow apart. Life, as they call it. There are no Arijit Singh songs to help you grieve. There are no alcohol sessions to help you rant. There are no drunk dials or messages to the “ex”. Just silence. You maintain “dignity” and “grace”. No washing of dirty linen in public. Just wondering what went wrong. Just wondering what would your life be like today if (s)he were here. Just continue living as if one of the most important relationships in your life did not just end. 

I say, when that friend-ship sinks, go down like the Titanic. Open the bubbly and sing Channa Mereya. Put on that music full blast and dance to “Breakup kar liya“. Go ballistic. Cry and rant. Because God knows you need that closure. Because don’t we all know, pyaar dosti hai

Transitioning to the Big 30!

I have been away from this space for too long now. I don’t even want to count the number of months because it depresses me. In reality, I had almost given up on the blog. It started with the usual reasons of not having enough time to write, but later I just couldn’t bring myself to write here again. As if the blog would berate me. But no, it’s just giving me the silent treatment! 😉

I am a few days away from hitting the dreaded 30s. So I thought it would be a great thing to come back and rant about the exciting 20s, the underdog and which no-one-talks-about Quarter Life Crisis and the dreaded but inevitable 30s.

I always thought that 20s were overhyped. And everyone just kept going about, “…..but I am still in my 20s”. So? But now that I am on the brink of saying goodbye to the 20s, I think they deserve all the hype. In our entire life, this is the only decade which sees (most of us) transitioning from college to adulthood to relationships to marriage and children. That’s a lot of work for a decade. I wonder why no one talks about the Quarter Life Crisis. Its for real and I definitely seem to be growing through it. Its that phase when you have still not come to terms with the fact that from now on, and for forever, my life is going to be dictated by corporate culture and my child(ren). Because I have loans and school fees to pay. I have still to come to terms with the fact that health scares are for real. That sitting in front of a computer for 8 hours a day in an air conditioned office, and not drinking enough water can actually hurt your body. I have recently had my gall bladder removed due to stone formation. The prospect of cancer looms large after every pizza/coke meal, because c’mon, you are going to be 30. Your body’s deteriorating. The things that I took for granted in the 20s, well , seem to be coming back with a vengeance.

But in a certain way, I am actually looking forward to the 30s. Been married for 5 years and I still like my husband. So I guess I’m in good company for the years to come. We are also past that stage when we fought over silly things. Now we just shout at each other and then make up. No melodrama,no tears. As real as it can get. Post my surgery, we have also started taking our health a little bit more seriously. So the coming decade should be better. We have a loan, but we also have a house we can call our own. The little one makes our life a lot less spontaneous than it used to be, but the love she gives is the most wonderful feeling to have.

20s was good while it lasted.

30s, looking forward to a lot more excitement, less health scares and being positive enough to enjoy this transition. And until then, I would say “coz I am still in my 20s..” 🙂

 

 

To Whom Ails The Separation Anxiety?

Bit by bit, my notions and my perspective about motherhood and its various phases are changing. Before the little on walked into my life, I had my own theories about everything. All of this accumulated from experience as a maasi to my now 8-year old nephew and all the books and articles I have read over a period of time. But for nothing do they say “Child is the father of man”.

Parenting In A Joint Family

Living in a joint family set up has its ups and downs. Especially after having kids. There are people other than the husband and you to look after the child occasionally. While that may give the new parents, especially the new mother some time to relax and unwind, the repeated differences in the styles of parenting can be a dampener too.

Read more….
 

Z zips Zero!

I have often written about my love of numbers. No wonder, my favorite subject throughout school and college was Mathematics. And so, when it came to the last letter of the challenge, I just had to do a Zero 🙂

Zero is a very interesting concept. It holds no value. It is nothing. Zilch. Yet, it is very important in the scheme of things. It signifies absence, or the presence of nothing in this world of somethings. Even though it has no value, yet when multiplied with the biggest number, can turn it to zero. But when you add zero to any number, the number just stays the same. Zero is pretty much like vacuum. It signifies the presence of nothing, which in turn explains a lot of things around us.

In our scheme of worldly things, zero is pretty downgraded. Anyone who is supposedly running behind in the rat race is termed a zero. I find the analogy bizzare. Zeroes are pretty powerful, aren’t they? Remember the multiply part? Even in life, we should be glad of our zeroes.
Zero sadness
Zero tragedy
Zero health problems
Zero loans etc

Because if anything, zeroes don’t take anything from our lives. Unless, we insist on multiplying a zero to everything we have and making life inconsequential. Enjoy life. Don’t regret a zero in your life. It is there for a reason. Enjoy what you have. Because one day, the survival rate of each of us is going to drop to a Zero 😉