J is Judgmental!

There is a famous saying “We all occupy the same universe, but live in different worlds”. I don’t think I have ever heard truer words. How much ever similar we think we are with a person, in reality, we are worlds apart. We are all a result of our history, the environment our parents gave us to grow up in, and finally the consequences of our own actions. I can vouch for the fact as I have a twin sister, and we have a vast difference in the manner of thinking, speech, actions and even choices.

As a result of what we are, we all have our set of morals we live our life by. But when we encounter something that falls outside of our moral boundary, we immediately start judging that person over his/her choices. If someone wears makeup, she is fake. If someone does not, she is so plain! If someone likes to dress up, she is a show off. If someone does not dress up, she needs to get a stylist! We judge people over career choices, love life, caste and even skin color! We have this feeling of superiority over everyone else. And let’s be fair, we all have been there done that. Not once, not twice but many times over.

But when we judge a person and his choices, it tells us more about our own self and our thinking rather than the person being judged. So the next time, you are about to jump the gun, wait and think what kind of person you want to be in your own conscience. And leave that person to explore his possibilities in his own world. In our universe.

 

Women and (anti)feminism!

As I grow older with each passing day, I realize how difficult it is to be a woman in this world. And no, I won’t start talking about women abuse, female infanticide and bride burning – typical women abuse at the hands of men. The culprits here are the other women. Women, I see, are extreme and quick to judge other women. And hence I have come to believe that a certain part of abuse in our society goes on only because there are other women out there who are watching you move every muscle and quick to pounce on any step that seems non-committal.

Slowly, I understand how strong women have to be especially the ones who are celebrities or in limelight.
The cleavage is judged – too high (trying to act Sita), too low (they all are whores!).
The hemline of the dress – too short (why is she wearing it anyway!), too long (she’s such a matron!)
The makeup, the shoes, the career choices, the personal choices – everything!
Too many boyfriends – these girls are like that only. No moral character!
The ones that don’t disclose their personal life – As if we don’t know they are sleeping around with everyone that can help them with their careers!
The ones who loose baby fat quickly – Isn’t that SO wrong? Why do they have babies when they can’t even take care of them?
The ones who don’t – What is she even thinking? Look at her…looking like her husband’s mother!

One would think this kind of bullying existed only for the celebrated celebrities. But no sir. All of us women are made to feel like “celebrated”, albeit in a twisted way!

I have friends who work in the same company as their husbands or have similar work schedules. Yet they go home and manage the house including cooking the meals. Now, if the two people involved here are happy doing it, where’s the problem? With the other women of course. They will be quick to judge the husband, “all men are like that”, “girls have to do all the work after marriage” etc etc.
There are some like me who prefer to relax, read and write after the office hours and H is absolutely fine with it. We have a maid who cooks for us. And yet, I hear this all around, “Haaye, you don’t cook for your husband?”, “You don’t make him breakfast?”, “You don’t give him lunch?” I mean as long as my husband and I don’t have a problem with the “setting”, why are all the other women so concerned? I am termed lazy, someone who doesn’t take care of the husband too well. All by other women of course. In this case, there hasn’t been a single man who has told me this. Instead, they have told me that I am very lucky to have such a husband. I agree sir. No doubts about that. Now why can’t our women be like that?

And then there are the interminable comparisons. She does xyz, why don’t you? She doesn’t do abc, why should you? Why o why is it so difficult to understand that all of us are different in our natures and probably want different things from our lives. And hence we don’t do xyz or want to do abc. You don’t know a f***ing thing about anyone’s journey of life. How they reached where they are right now. Probably they had/not had to take some pretty tough decisions. You can’t question choices. There is no right or wrong. They are all individual prerogatives. God made us a certain way for some reason. Let’s respect that. Can we, please?

And then the unsolicited advice. Please cut us some slack ladies. If we want it, we will ask for it. Like you don’t dole out your extra cash, it would be such a relief if you stopped doing that with the stash of free advises you carry around in your secret armor and fling at unsuspecting souls. The unmarried will decide when they want to get married, the married will decide when they want to have a kid, the pregnant ladies can decide what kind of food/exercise/doctor/medicine is best for them, and parents can decide if they should have 2/3/4 or more number of kids. You know what? It might come as a shock, but no one really cares about your advice. So please. Save energy. Yours and mine.

Off late, I have this feeling over and over again, that our fight for feminism is against our own self. Against our own. Because for them, nothing is ever right. It’s either wrong or grossly wrong. May be they need to learn that my choices suit me best. It, in no way, says that if you agree with my choices, you should do the same. It means that there is a certain way of doing things that works best for me and you are happy to know that. It might/might not work for you. May be we just need to learn to appreciate the good things in our and others’ lives and just keep the not-so-good out of focus. I am not sure if that is feminism but that’s definitely a key to being happy! Let us be fabulous women and not wo(e)men!!