Love and marriage!

Quote: “Match for 6”-31 yrs(luks 29), H’som PB Kh Boy,xtrmly well stld in M.Navy. Lkng 4 B’Ful Shrt Educated, frm High Status,Cltd Fly. Pls cntct with fl lnght foto only.” Unquote.

Greek? No, that, in fact, is English. This is a recent ad published in a matrimonial column. Decoded it says that a six foot tall, 31 year old Punjabi (Khatri) man, who is extremely well settled in the Merchant Navy is looking for a beautiful, short, educated girl, who belongs to a cultured family with a high status. Interested candidates are to contact him with a full length photo only.

Note how he is looking for a “short” girl.

Love and marriage – how well do they go together? Do they at all? Do you think someone like this man, who is looking for a short girl to marry has love on his mind as furthermost in a marriage? Doubtful.

Consider this song….Love and marriage by Frank Sinatra. He sings about how love and marriage – they go together like a horse and carriage. And according to him, you can’t have one without the other. Sinatra is outdated, as are his views –in present day society. We are all about “instant make-out, instant break ups” as quoted by Anushka Sharma’s character in Jab Tak Hai Jaan.

I am the brunt of many a caustic remark when I sit down on a Sunday to peruse the matrimonials. No I am not looking for an H’some Boy who is “extremely well settled” with a large income. I read them because of the sheer incredulity that overwhelms me when I come across ads that I have quoted above. I have even come across ads that ask for women who are educated up to the 12th standard only. They do get specific don’t they?

Relationships are a farce now. Everyone wants tailor made people for a specific purpose. No one is willing to compromise and adjust to another person. Thus the instant breakups happening all over town.

People are evidently getting married for the wrong reasons – if they insist they want a person who is less educated than them then something is horrifyingly wrong about the mindset of today’s youth.

I do believe that the days of yore had more integrity, yet I am equally sure that the seeds of the present situation of society were sowed then. Was there more love? Maybe. Those were the days of arranged marriages that worked out because they were arranged for one specific purpose. A girl/guy was needed in order to produce an heir, obviously male, to carry on the family name/tradition.

After this necessary duty had been fulfilled, the couples carried on with their lives, with a feeling of affection for each other. They might have even fallen in love sometimes. At least they were honest about the reasons behind marriage. Love might have been secondary, but when it did bless the couple, it stayed.

But now all that has changed. The horse has struggled out of its shackles and taken off for the horizon, leaving the carriage to teeter into a ditch. Relationships have become as disposable as contact lenses. They even have the same shelf life – for most people, yes, not all. Now it seems that marriage has been reduced to corny sms lingo ads in papers, and bimonthly relationships based on desires.

But we don’t want that to happen. Unfortunately, no one seems to be listening. All you hear these days are feminist rants about how men are not required and men wishing for multiple partners. Again, the disclaimer – mostly.

Have you heard the songs that abound these days? “Main zandu balm hui, darling tere liye?” “Wanna be my chammak challo?” Excuse me? This, ladies and gentlemen, is the yardstick for romance then. You go up to a girl and ask her to be your village belle. Or ladies, proclaim yourself as pain relief ointment. Songs these days make absolutely no sense, and very few romantic songs are actually full of romantic sentiment. We have to listen to most songs carefully and thrice over, to try and make head or tail of what they mean. So notions of romance are evidently very different – and indicative of prevalent mindset.

Very few people listen to Elvis anymore.

But to return to the quoted ad and what it represents. Can u even read it at first go? People don’t even bother to write entire sentences to spell out what they are looking for in a girl. Even people who are dating send expressions of love via texts – “I lv u.” Or simply, “M.U.” What is “M.U”? Miss you, of course. I miss you but I cannot be bothered to type out eight letters.

So my advice is – society has changed. Make sure you have the right guy in hand before you get married. And don’t marry until you are sure you absolutely want to. In fact don’t get into a serious relationship until you are, well, serious, about the person. Find yourself a man who sends you full sentences when he is texting his feelings. For if the guy can’t take responsibility of a sentence, how will he take the responsibility of a wife?

Guest article from Glad2bawoman is an online media company for women with a growing community of more than 70,000 members. All about women and for women, it encompasses a variety of topics including empowerment, relationships and health.