When the friend-ship sinks

 We have all read reams and reams of philosophy and poetry written to express the pain of broken love. We also have lots of songs telling us friendship is great. Like Ye Dosti hum nhi todenge or Yaaron, dosti badi hi haseen hai.

But there is hardly any poetry or song dedicated to the nuances of a broken friendship. That shit hurts. Don’t you feel friendships are way deeper than our romantic liaisons? That we are more invested in our friends than we are with our partners? Probably because we have known our friends way longer than many other people in our life. They are the ones who have seen us growing up. In many a sense. It may be from childhood to adulthood. Or coming out of a bad relationship and turning wiser. Getting married or even turning parents, and becoming responsible. 

We have all had out hearts broken by friends, haven’t we?  Maybe in school. Or college. Or workspace. I have had many a fights with my friends. But the first time I had an actual breakup with a friend, that was painful. It was like someone had slipped the rug from under me. One day, everything was fine. The next thing I knew is that I had been replaced. Without warning. Without a question, or an answer. I kept going over the incidents of the last few days to think of what I may have done wrong. I made up possible scenarios of what it could be. I tried to tell myself I was over thinking. It took me sometime to convince myself that it indeed was over. There was no closure. And that took me a longer time to come out of it. I haven’t known heart break of the romantic kind. But I feel a friendship breakup is pretty close. 

For a romantic discord, there is “breakup”. But for friendship – nothing. You know nobody addresses it because there is not even a term dedicated to it like, freakup or something. By the way, that word I just made up is pure genius. Don’t you think? Anyway. You are not allowed to grieve for a freakup like you do for your beloved. You just pretend to move on. Like a very important person in your life did not just move away. Like the person was your go-to for 5 or 10 or more years did not just leave you in a lurch.
“Oh, she would have laughed at this”, or “oh, he would be so mad at me for this”. Situations remind you of your friends and all the good times you shared. But you would be a schmuck to go all sentimental about someone you were not even in a “relationship” with. Why, isn’t friendship one of the most important relationship you form outside of your family? Sometimes, even THE most important.

Friends grow apart for various reasons. For reasons that are difficult to categorize as right or wrong. But they do grow apart. Life, as they call it. There are no Arijit Singh songs to help you grieve. There are no alcohol sessions to help you rant. There are no drunk dials or messages to the “ex”. Just silence. You maintain “dignity” and “grace”. No washing of dirty linen in public. Just wondering what went wrong. Just wondering what would your life be like today if (s)he were here. Just continue living as if one of the most important relationships in your life did not just end. 

I say, when that friend-ship sinks, go down like the Titanic. Open the bubbly and sing Channa Mereya. Put on that music full blast and dance to “Breakup kar liya“. Go ballistic. Cry and rant. Because God knows you need that closure. Because don’t we all know, pyaar dosti hai

The Friendship Special!

Hello. Welcome back. I was away. Again. Not something that I like, but something that I can’t help either.

The husband has been travelling far too much for my liking. That left me with the little one, and a whole lot of more work. Plus the fact that she’s been not keeping well for quite some time now 🙁 We have visited numerous doctors, and finally we think we know what’s wrong and we are taking steps to correct it. At this point, our whole focus is to really see her healthy. And so, the husband who had hardly been home for 10 days during the last 3 months finally came back last week. Since then, life is looking up. It’s feeling like a non-stop party. The little one is super excited to wake up to both parents 🙂 And her health is half way better with daddy without any medicines. I really hope this phase stays longer.

I am so sad for not having done my birthday post this year. So I’ll do a little recap here. Because it is Friendship’s day today, and these very friends made my birthday so special.

Like last year, this year too, the husband was not supposed to be in town on my birthday. So I had booked tickets to travel to Ahmedabad (where he was stationed at the time). However, the little one fell ill at the last moment and I had to cancel my tickets. So apart from the loss of 5000 Rs, we also lost the entire special-birthday-meeting plan.And so I went to office (the little one was feeling better with the medicines) with no plans as this was a last minute change. But my awesome friends made sure that we went out for lunch. They also got me a cake and a card and wrote the sweetest messages. The evening was supposed to be a daily affair. I picked up S from the day care and went home. I was going about the usual housework when I got a call from colleagues cum friends who informed me they were coming over to celebrate my birthday. And so we had the second cake cutting of the day. We ate cake, sat around and indulged S who was really excited to have people in our house, other than her mum. They also got me one of the books that I have been wanting to read. you can imagine how euphoric I might have been! By the time they left, my sister called to inform me she had made some really nice dinner for the birthday. S and I reached their house when I got a call from another of my friends, who lives in the same society as us. She said she was coming over to wish me. She came home armed with delicious cupcakes. And so we had a third cake cutting of the day with my friend and S. The little one was really happy and majorly confused as to why we were singing the birthday song over and over that day. But she did enjoy all the attention and some cake. By the time I went to have my dinner, I was so stuffed with cake that I could hardly eat anything that the sister had made. I really felt bad and said as much.

My office friend, S and I

 

The cake cutting at lunch with friends 🙂

 

When S insisted she would feed me cake and my friend decided to capture this. Sweet, right?

You can imagine how loved and blessed I have must have felt that day. Lots of people called, messaged and watsapp’ed their wishes. But these people who really took the time out for my big day are so special. Not that I am really big on birthday celebrations. But because it made me realize how truly blessed I am to have so much love in my life. AND. The birthday celebrations weren’t over yet. One of my friends (we go way back to college, and then together in out first company) called me and asked me what book I would like for my birthday. I told him that I hadn’t read Steig Larsson’s Millenium trilogy. So he could send me the first book, and I would order the rest if I liked it. The sweetheart that he is, he sent me the entire box set of 3 books. That’s not all. He also sent me a sweet note which said “They say, very few women admit their age, and very few men act their age. But yo do both of it and with equal grace. I wish you a very Happy Birthday ~ although belated. Enjoy!” So much love, my heart could explode.

Really, thank you guys, to each one of you. You know who you are. You are loved and revered. You are in my wishes and blessings. Always!
This is for all my friends – Happy Friendship’s Day! Now and always 🙂

PS: While I was away, I also won a contest. Yay! You can read about it here and here.