Of rainy days, sweet dreams and a phone call….

Since last Friday, I have clicked on the “New Post” button almost like 4-5 times, and written some gibberish that didn’t feel right. It’s not like how I write. I write when I am so full of an idea that my mind is way ahead of my fingers, which just about manage to capture the essence and put it on virtual paper here. But of late, there have been so many things on mind that I haven’t been able to write about anything particular. So many new things are happening that my emotions are colliding unto each other and I am feeling confused as ever. So here I am, ranting away at my fav place, with my fav people…
1) I had promised to help

N

with a research paper of  hers. It had seemed very interesting to me at first, but I kinda got bored of it pretty soon. But then, a commitment is a commitment. So I have it at the top of my mind. Don’t worry

N

, I am ON it. <Guilty>

2) I had decided to update the blog with a couple of long pending blog posts, that are still lying dormant in my Drafts. But I have been just too lazy to do anything. <Super-guilty>
3) I had promised myself that I was gonna take out some time to study. But nada, nada nada.<let down>

4) The reason for all of the above is that H and I spent the entire weekend at home, thanks to the heat. But the icing on the cake is that we spent a lot of quality time, chatting up and listening to our fav songs together. It finally rained on Sunday, and so we played scrabble after a really long time, sat in the balcony, soaking up the smell of wet soil, enjoying the cool breeze and indulged in a lot of leg pulling.

 

 
Then we went out for dinner and had an awesome time together. And hence, all that guilt feeling was swallowed up by the happy love feeling that I was deep into.<happy happy, super happy>
5) And then, I got to know about the

Dove Women’s Indiblogger Meet

. And needless to say, I am super excited.

I had a whale of a time at the

last Indiblogger meet

, and I am so looking forward to this one as well. Are you coming? Please let me know so that we can meet and have fun together!

6) The last but not the least! The Breaking news of the day!
I got a call from

KBC

today. After all the verifications and stuff, I was told that I had to answer 3 questions. And that if I was selected, I would be moved to the next round.

Now the first 2 questions were pretty easy. But sadly enough, He got me on the third one.

 

The “question” in question:
According to the Population survey 2011, what is the female population of India, in crores?

 No options.And I had to type the answer on the phone keypad! Hmmmph….

My answer was close, BUT !!It was just that. Close. Not correct! :-((
<Disappointed>
Those of you who can manage to answer this one without googling it up, YOU ROCK!
 Those of you who can’t, please pray for me that I get through! 😛
After all wouldn’t you all want to see your beloved blogger right up there on the Hot Seat? ;-))

Kya Kahenge Log ?

“Duniya ka sabse bada rog…..kya kahenge log?”

Are you also one of those kinds who take decisions based on what people say? Or at least are swayed into changing decisions because your own people might not approve it? Don’t even pretend to answer because I am anyways not gonna believe you. Because no matter how much we think or bully ourselves into believing that we care two hoots about what the society thinks and we do as we like, the truth is that somewhere deep inside our hearts, we are always looking for an acceptance, in any form, from our kin.
Our whole lives, we are brought up with fear inducing threats like, “What will padosi uncle/aunty/dada/dadi/mama/chachi/teacher/dog say?” And as much as we ridicule these lines and try to snap ourselves out of its tangles, it sticks on to us, much like the flu or the virus. Unknowingly, we have caught it from the air, breathed it and it now forms a tiny little part of us. Over the years, this virus grows and we begin to realize the wisdom of our elders, and keep spreading the virus to all our progenies.
But there are some, for whom the virus hasn’t grown big enough yet. And they have taken some pretty off-the-rule-book kinda decisions. But as far as I have seen it, our society isn’t all that forgiving. Even though it will not ridicule you out rightly, yet, after all these years, it will keep you wondering as to what you did wrong. Somewhere deep inside, you will expect or even want to hear a good word or two about yourself/your decision, but nada. Its indifference as well as cynicism will get to you. You will try to conform to your own logic of I-don’t-care, but you know that you do. And you will keep squirming in your seat at all social gatherings when you will be subtly but out rightly be siphoned off, just because having your own mind isn’t (wasn’t ever) a fashion.
And I am not even trying to say whether this is right or wrong. Just because your risk paid off, hundreds of others are going to imitate you, but are not going to succeed. And so, you will have to carry the burden of their failure on your shoulders too, despite having got no credit for your own achievements, ever. Wanting a pat on the back for taking a new path is like having your cake and eating it too. And our society ain’t that generous. It takes centuries to identify a genius. Almost always posthumously.
So, for all those of you, who like being happy (who doesn’t?) or have a weak heart which needs a little canoodling and pampering every now and then, deviating from the herd is just not your thing. You might not be able to take the lifelong rejection. Strangling your genius might just be the best idea.

It’s that time again….

Its almost the same time. This time.
I feel the same feelings.
Happy. Sad. Anxious. Freaky.
Confused as to what is the right feeling that I should feel. But the truth eludes me.
Everybody says what is quite rightly their own perspective.
So I feel what I feel.
The same feelings.
Almost the same time.

The day I will “go”…..

Life is so fickle. As fickle as everything else in this world.
You crack open an egg, a life is destroyed. Yeah….life changes in such simple strokes. There are hundred thousand of such simple strokes which end lives every day, every minute of our lives.

H

 says I think about Death too much, and too often. But then, what’s wrong? Isn’t it the only thing that’s defined and definite in this indefinable and indefinitely fickle life?

Just like that egg. If it remains where it was laid and hatched like it should have, that’s a life. If I have it for breakfast, it’s not. It had to die one day, you would say. Yeah…that’s exactly my point. It’s the only thing I know that’s for sure is going to happen with me.
I don’t know if I am going to get that elusive promotion. I don’t know if I am going to be able to achieve everything/anything in my 

wish list

. I don’t know anything, except the End.

They say reading a book becomes boring if you know the end. But Life is one such book, where we all know the end, but still the next chapter is a mystery. Because even though we know the end, we don’t know which of the strokes is going to end our life.
I don’t know how I am going to ‘go’. I fear the day, because I don’t know what awaits me. I just imagine the quintessential “Hell”-ish things people say I am gonna see (Ya…my friends are rude enough to tell me that I am, for sure, going to Hell !!)
I don’t know how many of you are going to miss me! But people, do feign a little horror at what I am insinuating and make me feel a tad bit more important that I actually am. ;-))
I am just imagining that if I am able to watch you guys (like they show the dead people in whites in the movies), I would be really sad to watch any of you cry …. but I know, it would definitely give me some grim satisfaction of being loved and appreciated (that is, if I would still have those feelings in me).
But what I would definitely LOVE is all of you remembering me with smiles on your faces (and not tears in your eyes), and to know how I touched a little part of your life and made it special (if I did). And I would love you all remembering me every now and then, and not just get away saying your usual RIPs…I will be a demanding ghost, if I may call myself that !

H

will be a little mad after reading this post. Might even consider taking me to a shrink for psychic help! 😛

But what the hell.!!!! Life is too short for having regrets. I don’t know what the next moment is gonna cost me. And I wanted to have this little heart-to-heart with all of you before I “go”….
PS: They say Earth is the hell for people on another planet !

The First 50….

I had planned on doing a special 50th post…but because of being so busy and all that, completely forgot about it. And as I was just browsing through my own blog, found that I have already published my 50th post. *Sigh* But better late than never…

In a real off mood right now. Sometimes I just feel I could have CCTV cameras installed everywhere I couldn’t be. Relying on people for info can be so dangerous. Everyone has their own perspective and it’s so difficult to decide who to believe and who not.
The worst part is everyone is so sure. :-(((

Am sad and clueless. Need to figure out a lot of things. Sorry guys for such a depressing post. But this one’s just for myself. But I will be back! and SOON! U guys take care until then….