The little girl


Bastard and illegitimate were just some of the words that her new born had often been labelled with. The baby was born to her and her live-in partner. They had decided to keep the baby when they found out, at 12 weeks. As expected, their parents had not agreed to the match or them having a baby together without getting married. 

The little baby girl is 5 years old now. She is young and vivacious, and her innocence personified features make her look angelic. Her maternal grandma has come down to meet her, finally. One look at her and she can’t help but exclaim, “Oh dear! You are so beautiful!” while the proud father looks on.

The little girl’s mother sighs in a corner, “Ma, that’s because she was made when we made love. Not when we had sex”. She then starts humming her favorite song to drown the voices in her head which screamed “desperate, lust, stigma, sex, illicit, bastard, illegitimate”.

Dream Diary (continued)

I don’t know if it’s the heat that made me dream like that. Or the fact that now that I have a child, I have a soft corner for every mother-child duo that I encounter on the road. I watch them intently and try to fathom the kind of relationship they have. After all, living in the kind of dearth that they do, a frustrated mother with scanty means, and a child cranky of hunger, would not really make the lovey dovey relationship that we perceive every mother child relationship to be.

So I am walking down the road with a friend. I am talking to her while pushing the pram little S is in. We near a bend and I see two other people coming from the other side. Since the bend is quite narrow, I try to steer little S’s pram into a corner so the people coming in from the opposite direction can pass. I am quite engrossed in talking and haven’t even noticed these people. Suddenly I see that I cannot move the pram. So I try to maneuver it to move it along a different direction. Again, I am unable to do so. It is then that I stop blabbering whatever it is that I am trying to tell my friend and actually notice these people. There is a lady who is carrying a very young baby in her arms. Holding her hand is a little boy, aged not more than 5 years. They look haggard and very poor and probably they haven’t eaten in many days. Suddenly the boy collapses on the road. I see his legs have turned blue up to his knees. In my mind (in the dream), it is due to dehydration (not sure if it’s true). I throw a panicked look at his mother’s face. She is about to cry. Before she can do that, she collapses too. Her sari is hitched up to the knees and her legs have the same bluish hue, like the boy. There is a rickshaw puller coming from behind them. I holler to him to come and help us take these people to a nearby hospital. But the rickshaw puller, without saying a word, turns the rickshaw around and moves away. I ask other people passing by, but they pass by as if they haven’t heard my cries for help! I decide to take matters in my own hands. I try to push little S’s pram forward so that I can run and call someone from my neighborhood for help. Again, the pram refuses to budge. It is then that I notice the little baby from the lady’s hand lying on the road. (S)he is not moving nor crying. I freeze. My heart breaks into a million pieces.  I am still wondering what to do when…..

When little S started crying and woke me up. I was quite distressed on waking up to such a dream. To having to start my day on that note. Even though my mind asked me to cheer up as it was “just a dream”, my heart told me it was someone’s reality.  

V values Valentine!

I know many people, including myself, who are not a big fan of “days” like the Valentine’s, Mother’s, Father’s etc.
Why choose a single day to express love when you can do it any time and any day of the year? And better still, all the time and all the days of the year. I was pretty cynical too. But this year, I got a reason why such days are celebrated.

This was our first Valentine’s day after the birth of our daughter. But as first time parents, we were dealing with our own struggles – some personal family issues, a demanding 2 month old and a recovering mother i.e. yours truly. All these didn’t really give us any space or time to even think about celebrating the V day. I had become way too cynical. It seemed to me that these days were celebrated by people who had the time and energy and do it. And not really the people with real problems at hand.

The husband got me a spa reservation at a five star and informed me only in the morning of V day so that I could not cancel as I was wont to do because of the work pressure. He not only helped me finish the chores, but drove me to the place, took care of the baby while I enjoyed my full body massage replete with a sauna. Needless to say, I fell short of words. I had not planned anything for him. And he gave me what I really needed. Some alone time, and some pampering.

And that day I realized that V days are not all useless. Even though he might not say the I love you everyday. Sometimes we might not even talk for days altogether. But days like this tell us that it’s not all that bad as it looks. He might still be angry at me for something that I don’t agree with, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t love me. That even though we can say the I love you everyday, but the truth is we don;t. So what better than the Valentines’ to say it and declare it?