When the friend-ship sinks

 We have all read reams and reams of philosophy and poetry written to express the pain of broken love. We also have lots of songs telling us friendship is great. Like Ye Dosti hum nhi todenge or Yaaron, dosti badi hi haseen hai.

But there is hardly any poetry or song dedicated to the nuances of a broken friendship. That shit hurts. Don’t you feel friendships are way deeper than our romantic liaisons? That we are more invested in our friends than we are with our partners? Probably because we have known our friends way longer than many other people in our life. They are the ones who have seen us growing up. In many a sense. It may be from childhood to adulthood. Or coming out of a bad relationship and turning wiser. Getting married or even turning parents, and becoming responsible. 

We have all had out hearts broken by friends, haven’t we?  Maybe in school. Or college. Or workspace. I have had many a fights with my friends. But the first time I had an actual breakup with a friend, that was painful. It was like someone had slipped the rug from under me. One day, everything was fine. The next thing I knew is that I had been replaced. Without warning. Without a question, or an answer. I kept going over the incidents of the last few days to think of what I may have done wrong. I made up possible scenarios of what it could be. I tried to tell myself I was over thinking. It took me sometime to convince myself that it indeed was over. There was no closure. And that took me a longer time to come out of it. I haven’t known heart break of the romantic kind. But I feel a friendship breakup is pretty close. 

For a romantic discord, there is “breakup”. But for friendship – nothing. You know nobody addresses it because there is not even a term dedicated to it like, freakup or something. By the way, that word I just made up is pure genius. Don’t you think? Anyway. You are not allowed to grieve for a freakup like you do for your beloved. You just pretend to move on. Like a very important person in your life did not just move away. Like the person was your go-to for 5 or 10 or more years did not just leave you in a lurch.
“Oh, she would have laughed at this”, or “oh, he would be so mad at me for this”. Situations remind you of your friends and all the good times you shared. But you would be a schmuck to go all sentimental about someone you were not even in a “relationship” with. Why, isn’t friendship one of the most important relationship you form outside of your family? Sometimes, even THE most important.

Friends grow apart for various reasons. For reasons that are difficult to categorize as right or wrong. But they do grow apart. Life, as they call it. There are no Arijit Singh songs to help you grieve. There are no alcohol sessions to help you rant. There are no drunk dials or messages to the “ex”. Just silence. You maintain “dignity” and “grace”. No washing of dirty linen in public. Just wondering what went wrong. Just wondering what would your life be like today if (s)he were here. Just continue living as if one of the most important relationships in your life did not just end. 

I say, when that friend-ship sinks, go down like the Titanic. Open the bubbly and sing Channa Mereya. Put on that music full blast and dance to “Breakup kar liya“. Go ballistic. Cry and rant. Because God knows you need that closure. Because don’t we all know, pyaar dosti hai

Of heartbreaks and Mango!

And so, what if I was gifted a pepper spray by H on V-day? S (my bestie from college) made up for it by gifting me an absolutely gorgeous dress from Mango. And that’s the reason God made friends. They never fail to take you out of the dumps…don’t they? Thank you S for the awesome gift. And yeah, I will keep my promise. When you are here in Delhi, we are both going to wear our dresses, get clicked crazy and the photos will land on the blog. Pinky promise! 😉

On a totally unrelated note, a very close friend went through a break up recently. Until now, I thought that break ups were ugly and traumatizing and a trip to the hell. Only this time, I realized, they are even worse. Not necessarily in that order though.

Having never gone through that feeling (God forbid!), I can only take an estimated guess at how that must feel like. I just remember, how once, H left for a team event for 2 days, and I shed copious tears of bereavement. So there. I can only guess.

How hard it must be for a person to let go of another, who you have loved with all your heart, pinned all your hopes on him/her, probably even woven dreams of a happily ever after? You’d wonder when did it all come crumbling down? You never even noticed when things started going downhill.. It must be worse thinking about it in your head again and again and not getting any answers. Even if there were any clear answers, there would still be the hapless questions of why it all happened? Why didn’t he/she understand enough? Why didn’t they do what was right, instead make everything worse for both?

And then there’s the whole “news” about your break up that spreads like wildfire, and you actually have to tell everyone that, however, unfortunate that might be, it’s true. Heart breaking stuff. Every single time. And then the old memorabilia to deal with. The gifts, the roses kept in old books, your favorite songs, your favorite restaurant, your favorite hang out place.

Then the chicken-egg question of all times – to be friends with your ex or not?. And that depends on how the break up went. Most of them, I am sure, are ugly. I mean, really ugly where you would want to ground the other person on a bed of shit and pound them until…well…let me leave it at that! 😛

I am sure that to get yourself out of a heartbreak is an immense task. Almost a miracle. It changes a person. When you move on, I am sure it’s not at all easy.There must be a whole lot of data backup in your mind, you’d wish would just crash without any recovery possible. Since that doesn’t happen, you hide the pain, put on a smile and move forward. Until one day, you find a person who fits in just perfectly in your life, like the last piece in a jigsaw puzzle completes the picture. And that day you realize that it all happened for a reason. The heart break, the pain, the anger, the remorse. Those were God’s ways of turning you in the right direction, to the right person.

This post is dedicated to her who is doing all this and much more. Still rocking it where it matters. Still twisting life by its’ horns. Still retaining the zeal and passion for love.
This post is also dedicated all those who have ever gone through a break up and triumphed over it. To all those who have moved on in life and connected the dots backwards. To all those who have never had to go through a breakup, and are thankful for it.