A for advice

Today I start the A-Z blogging challenge 2014 which means I’ll be blogging this entire month,  except the Sundays. I know it’s going to take a whole lot of will power to keep up the pace. But it also means that I’ll be spamming your inboxes much more. So there. You have been warned:-)

Let’s face it. We all have bee there, done that. Been on both ends of the spectrum when it comes to unsolicited advice. While giving it lies in our genes amd we can give out as much, and anytime. But taking it is another ballgame altogether.

Pregnancy and new motherhood are invitations for a lot of advice. Anyone and everyone you know or you don’t will have a tip or two for you. While all of it is definitely given in good spirit, it does get to you sometimes.

Even your closest friends fall prey to this syndrome. You would call them or text them to rant about a problem, and lo and behold, they are busy extending out their set of wisdom.
Since I have recently been through all of the above situations, I can tell you, sometimes you just want to pull your hair out and shout out the choicest abuses. Ha! If only you didn’t want to be written off a lunatic.

So here is my quick advice survival guide:

1) Take all of it with a smile, but use only what you deem beneficial to you and your child. Motherly instincts are way better than experience or doctors.

2) Give advice, only when asked for it. This would make life so much simpler…isn’t it? 😆

3) Be a good listener. Most of the people/friends who call you to rant about their issues are only looking to let it out of their system. And as much as we like to think we are helping the fella at the other end, in reality, we all have to face our life’s demons ourselves. No one can take the difficult decisions for you. So just listen, nod, agree, and if need be, join your friend in abusing his/her problem. Letting go of anger is a very crucial first step to finding solution to any problem.

4) Most importantly, always be there for your friends. No matter what. Meet them, text, email, watsapp whatever it takes. And repeat step 3 ☺

5) The above post is an advice. Take a deep breath, go to step 1 and repeat 😁

Women and (anti)feminism!

As I grow older with each passing day, I realize how difficult it is to be a woman in this world. And no, I won’t start talking about women abuse, female infanticide and bride burning – typical women abuse at the hands of men. The culprits here are the other women. Women, I see, are extreme and quick to judge other women. And hence I have come to believe that a certain part of abuse in our society goes on only because there are other women out there who are watching you move every muscle and quick to pounce on any step that seems non-committal.

Slowly, I understand how strong women have to be especially the ones who are celebrities or in limelight.
The cleavage is judged – too high (trying to act Sita), too low (they all are whores!).
The hemline of the dress – too short (why is she wearing it anyway!), too long (she’s such a matron!)
The makeup, the shoes, the career choices, the personal choices – everything!
Too many boyfriends – these girls are like that only. No moral character!
The ones that don’t disclose their personal life – As if we don’t know they are sleeping around with everyone that can help them with their careers!
The ones who loose baby fat quickly – Isn’t that SO wrong? Why do they have babies when they can’t even take care of them?
The ones who don’t – What is she even thinking? Look at her…looking like her husband’s mother!

One would think this kind of bullying existed only for the celebrated celebrities. But no sir. All of us women are made to feel like “celebrated”, albeit in a twisted way!

I have friends who work in the same company as their husbands or have similar work schedules. Yet they go home and manage the house including cooking the meals. Now, if the two people involved here are happy doing it, where’s the problem? With the other women of course. They will be quick to judge the husband, “all men are like that”, “girls have to do all the work after marriage” etc etc.
There are some like me who prefer to relax, read and write after the office hours and H is absolutely fine with it. We have a maid who cooks for us. And yet, I hear this all around, “Haaye, you don’t cook for your husband?”, “You don’t make him breakfast?”, “You don’t give him lunch?” I mean as long as my husband and I don’t have a problem with the “setting”, why are all the other women so concerned? I am termed lazy, someone who doesn’t take care of the husband too well. All by other women of course. In this case, there hasn’t been a single man who has told me this. Instead, they have told me that I am very lucky to have such a husband. I agree sir. No doubts about that. Now why can’t our women be like that?

And then there are the interminable comparisons. She does xyz, why don’t you? She doesn’t do abc, why should you? Why o why is it so difficult to understand that all of us are different in our natures and probably want different things from our lives. And hence we don’t do xyz or want to do abc. You don’t know a f***ing thing about anyone’s journey of life. How they reached where they are right now. Probably they had/not had to take some pretty tough decisions. You can’t question choices. There is no right or wrong. They are all individual prerogatives. God made us a certain way for some reason. Let’s respect that. Can we, please?

And then the unsolicited advice. Please cut us some slack ladies. If we want it, we will ask for it. Like you don’t dole out your extra cash, it would be such a relief if you stopped doing that with the stash of free advises you carry around in your secret armor and fling at unsuspecting souls. The unmarried will decide when they want to get married, the married will decide when they want to have a kid, the pregnant ladies can decide what kind of food/exercise/doctor/medicine is best for them, and parents can decide if they should have 2/3/4 or more number of kids. You know what? It might come as a shock, but no one really cares about your advice. So please. Save energy. Yours and mine.

Off late, I have this feeling over and over again, that our fight for feminism is against our own self. Against our own. Because for them, nothing is ever right. It’s either wrong or grossly wrong. May be they need to learn that my choices suit me best. It, in no way, says that if you agree with my choices, you should do the same. It means that there is a certain way of doing things that works best for me and you are happy to know that. It might/might not work for you. May be we just need to learn to appreciate the good things in our and others’ lives and just keep the not-so-good out of focus. I am not sure if that is feminism but that’s definitely a key to being happy! Let us be fabulous women and not wo(e)men!!